Damn, I can't believe I haven't posted since last October and I think that post was one I'd written back in the summer.  Anyway, here I am at camp, solo for night #2, listening to some Sweet Melissa on my Ipod and loving the beautiful breeze coming off the Cobb and the various critters scurrying around, trying to get a last morsel of something before settling down for the night and allowing the nocturnal critters their domain.  Today's highlights:  watched as an eagle swooped down and snatched a nice fish from the Cobb out in front of camp.  That was pretty much it.  Didn't paddle today.  My arms are rather sore from two days of paddling in a row.  Tomorrow I'll be out there again and maybe do the whole trip down to the dam.

I should have driven to Augusta today and voted.  I didn't.  That's not like me.  But I have to say that I'm rather discouraged politically these days.  Fucking Trump.  Fucking LePage.  Fucking Maine Legislature.  They're trying to undo 2 referendums we passed last November: Ranked Choice Voting and a 3% tax on Mane's top earners to fund education to the 55% required in the Referendum we passed 10 years ago that they never achieved.  Fuckers.  Their response:  we're trying to get there.  Fuck you.  So if I'm pulled over for drunken driving can I respond:  Hey, I'm trying to get sober, I haven't had anything to drink for at least an hour?

I didn't sleep well last night.   I think it was that damn "death by chocolate" cake that Eddie had gotten for his birthday yesterday and insisted I take some home.  It called to me until I ate some and the caffeine in the chocolate kept me up until 4 am.

This is my third night at camp and I haven't managed to wake up to watch the sunrise yet.  I only see it reflected on the western shore of The Cobb but it's often pretty spectacular. Maybe I'll see it tomorrow morning.  A beer with dinner and a glass of wine and I'm expecting an early bedtime.

Betty is coming out tomorrow for a kayak paddle!

My Mom Died This Morning - A True Story

My Mom died in October of 2001.  I've shared the story of the day she died with some but I decided to write this poem, or prose, or whatever you might call it.  

My Mom Died This Morning - A True Story

My mom died this morning

A more positive person you’d never met

At times, a difficult life of poverty and domestic violence

But through hard work and perseverance

She created security and great love

If you’d asked her she would have said her life was beautiful

And she was right

Never one to dwell on the negative

Her vivaciousness, wit, understanding, and laughter

Is what everyone always remembers about her

My siblings and I spent the night at the hospital

Knowing it was the end

Wanting to be there for a few last hours with her

She talked about her theory that when you die

You become whatever age you were the most happy during your life

I pictured her running up the big hill at my grandparents’ house

Pigtails flying, followed by any number of her 9 siblings

Headed for the big oak tree that was her steed

Her fort, her Mt. Everest, or her ship,

Whatever her fancy may have been that day

Just as the sun was rising

Her own beautiful star extinguished

All that was left, and it was much,

Was the light and laughter that was her memory

Never being one who could cry at the appropriate time

I sat there feeling empty and alone amongst a crowd of tears

I knew I had to get away and be alone with my loss

I drove home and loaded my kayak onto my car

The unseasonably warm October morning with bright sun and blue skies

Belying the tragedy of the day

A five minute drive to the river

I was relieved that the early hour guaranteed my solitude

Paddling downriver against the incoming tide

You’d think I was being pursued by a monster

Tears finally flowing, leaving a wake of despair

Stopping exhausted next to shore

I looked up and saw a beautiful bald eagle

Perched in a tree not 20 feet above

Staring down at me with a hint of concern

What can be so sad on this day the Lord has given us

He seemed to ask

So I told him of my loss

Of the feeling of becoming an orphan

Of being abandoned

No matter that I was almost 50 years old

We sat there and talked for 20 minutes

Though not a word was spoken

His understanding and compassion

Allowed the tears to flow without feeling pitiful or silly

Finally I thanked him for listening and started off again on my paddle

Peacefully at first but as the sadness returned

The paddling once more became frantic and obsessed

Again, I pulled up next to shore to rest under an overhanging tree

And as I did, much to my surprise, the eagle landed just above me

I couldn’t help but smile through my tears

And welcome him back

I shared with him memories of long talks

Of funny stories, of sad times, and beautiful moments

We laughed and cried

And gave thanks to the universe

For kindness, for adversities, and complex relationships

Again, I thanked him for listening

And slowly and more peacefully

Continued on my way downstream against the tide

I paddled hard and fast and steady for quite some time

But with much less distress than I’d been feeling before

The sun was beating down harshly at this point

The heat of the day at its peak

So the shady cove beckoned me

I pulled over and closed my eyes

Welcoming the relief from the sun

I splashed some water onto my face

And hearing a noise, glanced upwards and burst into laughter

To see my now old friend perched up above

He seemed relieved to hear my mirth

As if it signaled I was back to my old self

The woman who was the daughter my mother produced

Sensing all was well

He lifted off from his branch

And with grace and majesty

He soared down the middle of the river

Until he was just a dot that disappeared

Into the horizon

Suddenly exhaustion overcame me

The sleepless night, the deep emotions and the physical exertion

All came together

And I was grateful to allow the incoming tide

To gently bring me back

Bring me back to my less than perfect but oh so glorious life

To the guilt that every mother feels when she’s put her own needs

Before the needs of her family

To a husband who was also dying

And had only a few months left to live

To three teenage sons who were sad at the loss

Of a grandmother they were very close to

But I’ll be forever grateful for that October day

That I spent with my eagle friend

Thank you Mom for sending him to me

Once again, you knew just what I needed

So if you’re ever with me

And an eagle appears

You’ll know why I look at it with love

And say, “Hi Mom.”

This poem contributed to dVersePoets Open Link Night.

Christmas Celebrations 2011

Christmas Eve gathering for our Yankee Swap

Rick had been going on all night about how he was going to get #1 for the Yankee Swap and sure enough he did! 

Jared opening a bottle of Gray Goose Vodka.  Unfortunately it wasn't long before someone else traded him for it.  

Jenika was very happy to get the batter bowl I made, along with some pancake mix and real maple syrup.  

Unfortunately for her it got scoffed up, first by Linda and then later by Sara who was the final owner.  

Jared

Lisa with Chelsea and Justin looking on

Sara, Chris, and Donnie

Justin

Moi

Anytime Rick makes anything resembling a lap, Karma makes himself comfortable.

Christmas morning breakfast.

Monkey bread and egg and sausage casserole

Christmas morning breakfast

Emma enjoying her bed by the fireplace

A visit from Mom the day before Christmas Eve

3 a.m. ramblings

It's 3:15 on Friday night/Saturday morning. Can't sleep. Well actually I was sleeping quite nicely until I awoke from the pain I've been suffering for the last 10 days. It started after I several dips in the lake and I was hoping it was just an ear infection. But after seeing the doc today and getting that hope dashed, I'm quite certain there's a root canal in my immediate future. This isn't just a little cavity kind of toothache; it's like take out the whole right side of my head kind of ache. I've had one once before and a root canal was the cure. A cure almost as miserable as that which it is supposed to be curing. But at least the root canal only takes an hour or so and this damn pain has been attacking me every night to some degree or another, even after taking 3 advil before going to bed and 3 tylenol upon waking in the middle of the night.
So seeing as I'm up and I haven't posted in a while, what's new that I can write about . . .

Now that the Gardiner house has sold we have funds to do some work on our home here in Belgrade Lakes. First order of business was to buy a new refrigerator. Our present one actually has duct tape in place of some parts. So we picked out just the right fridge, to be delivered on Monday and here comes Hurricane Bill and damages the one section of the warehouse holding our beautifully engineered new appliance. The next closest one the dealer tells us is in Florida and can't arrive in Maine for 3 weeks. Do we want a loaner in the meantime? No thanks, we'll spruce ours up with a new application of duct tape and hope it holds till mid September and keep our fingers crossed that Florida doesn't get hit with a killer hurricane and further delay our much anticipated new addition to the family.

So second order of business was to get our water tested so that we can rest assured that when the new fridge comes with its ice maker and chilled water feature we will be able to hook it up. We have a dug well and have never trusted it even though it tested fine when we bought the place. We got the test back on Thursday, and again it reported all is fine. We need some new pipes laid to bring it directly to the house instead of going through the cottage first so we take the cover off and look inside and find slugs, spiders galore, and two dead mice floating on top of the well water that just tested completely within all potable recommendations. Yuk. But ok, maybe all wells look like that, yes? So we have the well guys come and take a look and he's pretty grossed out when he sees the water. Not a good sign. But maybe it's 100 feet deep and what's on the top doesn't matter, right? So he throws his rope down there to see how deep it is. 8 feet deep. That's it. Eight feet. Suddenly we feel really happy we've been having Crystal Spring water delivered by the five gallon jugs ever since we moved in a year ago. But still, we brush our teeth with this water; we boil pasta in it and wash our dishes and our bodies with it – with mouse water! Ewwww.

So now the well drillers are coming next week to drill a new well. There goes the first bunch of money. Not to mention the lawn is going to look like a bomb went off once they're done. Add another thousand for landscaping afterward. I wanted aesthetics for that cash – not infrastructure!!! I want to paint, put down new flooring, remodel the master bathroom, build a deck. All those things will come, but I guess we have to start with potable water. At least we won't have to pay $50 a month to Crystal Springs anymore.

So we go to the bank who owned the mortgage on the Gardiner house we just paid off and apply for a home equity line of credit. We own our home here in Belgrade Lakes free and clear, albeit a mobile home. It's a 24 by 60 foot double wide with cathedral ceilings, realitvely nice kitchen with center island, two baths, and there's a little four room cottage here as well and a one car garage. In addition to that we have the camp out on Cobbossee Stream that we own free and clear. However, the bank tells us we don't qualify for a line of credit; they don't offer those on mobile homes, or on seasonal camps. I say, what do you mean, we have over $250,000 worth of real estate that we own free and clear and you won't give us a few thousand dollars line of credit? WTF? We'll give you a mortgage she says – 6% fixed. No thanks. I don't want a lump sum that I have to pay interest on whether I'm using the money or not. I want a line of credit at three point something percent, like you told me about when I called. So she says she'll talk it over with another loan officer and see if they can make something work. A few hours later she calls back to say sure, they can do the line of credit. Duh.

So now we'll have $50k to work with. It's tempting to get all the work done at once. But it's also tempting to remain relatively mortgage free – do the well, pay it off; do the bathroom, pay it off, etc. I suspect we'll end up someplace in the middle. The deck – around 3 sides of the house, if not four – with one section made into a screen room – may as well wait till next spring. But the bathroom is definitely a fall project, and painting and new wood floors perhaps a winter project.

Speaking of camp – I was speaking of camp back there a while ago – we were out there earlier today and just as we were getting ready to leave, here comes this huge bald eagle swooping over the shore, frightening our little muskrat friend, Edmund who was sunning himself on a log, and lands in a branch in the marsh. We watch him for a bit tearing at some poor critter he'd just claimed for his lunch. His wing span must have been a good five or six feet. What a magnificent creature. They never fail to impress, no matter how many times I see them. (I don't think I ever posted here my blog about an eagle and the day my mother died, so I'll have to find it and post it later if I still can't sleep.) But anyway, here's a picture of the eagle we saw today. (Hi Mom. :-) It's good to see you.)

When we arrived at camp we found some foreign object out in the stream – a big yellow thing with fingers coming off it. So though I hadn't planned to kayak, I couldn't leave that ugly looking thing out there to mar my view, so I jumped in the kayak while Rick was napping in the sun and went out to retrieve it. But once in the kayak, I had to go for a paddle even though I hadn't even worn my life vest as I had just planned to go the 50 feet offshore to get the object. I've never tipped the kayak in all my years of paddling, so I said to heck with it and took off for a short paddle around the stream. I realized pretty quickly how well designed my kayak is. It is meant to be paddled by someone wearing a life vest. The vest comes down and hits the back of the seat creating an extremely comfortable position that makes it possible for me to paddle for hours without discomfort. However, without the life vest there's no back support and it's not at all comfortable. But I have to admit that I really liked the feeling of freedom, the lightness, of not wearing the vest. So I did a 20 minute power paddle around the stream – no leaning back and floating lazily around as it was very uncomfortable, but the absence of the vest made me feel like a paddling machine!

Ok, I've been writing – rambling – for an hour, and it's now 4:20. hmmmm . . .