May 25, 2009

I’m glad to report that all is well on The Cobb, after leaving work early on Thursday. The loons are looney, the squirrels are squirrely, the ospreys are osome (spelled awesome), and the turtles are sh(w)ell.

After a quick lunch and Sam Summer at The Depot, it felt good to escape from the ninety degree heat of town and just 15 minutes away melt onto my shady porch bed with windows open, and enjoy the steady breeze and the sounds of the marsh. Twenty minutes was all I could give it though cause I really wanted to get out on the stream, paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle, float, explore, soak up the sun and feel that Vitamin D pulsing through the body. We’d only been out 15 minutes before we were approached by an old CocoaCola canoe with a silent little electric motor containing none other than Eddie and Betty who’d come all the way down from Mary’s place near Collins Mill Dam.

Later we heard splashing and looked over to watch a pair of loons flapping their wings and doing mating dances with each other. And then they let out one of those long haunting loon calls that went on for so long, it even made me amorous.

Friday was spent on a longer paddle, down to the dam and back, gorgeous sunny day with all the usual suspects along the stream. Saturday I picked up seedlings at Harvey’s and filled my log planters, so it’s looking very colorful out here. Plus it looks like the heavy rain we got last night created a new bloom. Everything is so lush and green today. It was a hell of a downpour about 3 am with rolling thunder and impressive lightening witnessed from my porch bed.

I made a little hobbit house out of clay while listening to soft music with the peepers and assorted unidentified critters hooting, screeching, and whistling in the marsh. I seldom see turtles right here in our cove but this weekend there have been three of them hanging out here, both on the fallen limb in the water and the big rock 30 feet away.

A mommy and her six baby ducklings just took a paddle around the cove. They do love the duckweed; I can see why they call it that, instead of green slime . . . or something equally descriptive.
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Camp Spiders - ewww

When I got to camp Thursday night there was a big ass spider sitting peacefully on the wall of my kitchen, next to the trash can. I’ve been phobic about spiders since I can remember. My mother was phobic, my grandmother, my sister, my cousins, my aunts. You sense a family trend here? A family’s conditioning, passed down and across generations. I suppose there are spiders that can poison you, but generally here in Maine, they are pretty innocuous. A non phobic person would just kind of ignore them and shoo them away if they got in the way. But a phobic person – or at least a person with phobia around spiders (I know the word but that word just brings up all these other images about stupid movies, it doesn’t apply to me, a rational and compassionate human being.) has to seek out and destroy the little monster.

I was bringing stuff in from the car and the only weapon I had within reach was a bottle of Stoli vodka. So I tried to squish him with the bottom of the bottle. Instead I just trapped him in the concave bottom, and with no other weapons at hand I eventually had to remove the bottle and he escaped and scurried behind the hutch.

This was no tiny spider. I’ve come to ignore or easily dispose of those. This guy was so big, his legs protruded out from under the edges of the stoli bottle.

I won’t describe the rest of my futile efforts to banish the spider. Yes futile. He’s still over there – someplace. He probably came and crawled all over me last night while I slept, or maybe he’s been huddled over there behind the hutch ever since he escaped the stoli crush.

I’ve tried to think of him like the cute little chameleons you see everywhere in Thailand. You just sort of say oh, aren’t they cute, with just a friendly warning to keep out of your personal space. And they’re pretty compliant.

The fact that I know how irrational it is to be phobic about spiders does help some; especially when I’m sitting here thinking about it. But at the very sight of a big spider like that I go into fight or flight mode – adrenaline rush and all. Conditioning. Grrr.

I believe if I could envision him and hold him in my mind, in all his hairy glory, for long enough, I think I would be able to decondition myself. I tried looking at pictures of spiders, but I couldn’t get over the aversion. They still creeped me out. Perhaps if I did it every day for a couple of minutes and studied them, trying to change my reaction from fear to curiosity.

I never did see him again all weekend though every time I walked by the trash can I scrutinized the area carefully. I’m hoping he found an escape route and he’s back out in the wild where he will remain. Camp is definitely not creepy crawly proof. There are a few small gaps in the floors and beside windows big enough to allow little crawly things to get in. So I sprayed the gaps I could find with a spider repellant which will, hopefully, discourage any more from coming to explore.

I didn’t let him ruin my first long weekend at camp. Friday morning I awoke to a pair of herons fishing next to shore.

I also got a photo of this little beauty - a red breasted grosbeak who was happy to pose for some pictures.

I enjoyed a couple hours of kayaking on Friday and a short paddle on Saturday. It rained pretty hard Saturday night and into Sunday morning.

I’m back home in Belgrade Lakes now, watching the sun start to set, sparkling off Long Pond, yet still missing the beauty and simplicity of my little one room camp at the marsh on Cobbossee Stream.

Meditation

My response to "What is meditation?" on the Krishnamurti Network today.

I’ve never had any formal training in meditation but I’ve read a little bit about it and have downloaded some short “meditation starters” so to speak – guides that help you to begin to clear your mind. That’s what I practiced meditation for originally – to clear my mind. A problem would have a hold on me and I couldn’t let go; thoughts about it would keep going round and round, endlessly, in my mind and no conclusions would present themselves, just round and round with the thoughts and me just completely unable to make the thoughts stop. Especially at night when trying to get to sleep; I would suffer hours of insomnia.

This is when I find my form of meditation to be healing. Being able to wipe the slate clean so to speak, get ALL thoughts out of my mind, especially this one that has a hold on me and won’t let me go. If I can achieve total shutdown for just a few moments even, then everything becomes clear. I’ve managed to break my mind out of that thought loop and often can see the answer clearly, or at least see that it isn’t the problem that I had imagined. When I meditate in this way, I do have a goal in mind so maybe this is something else, not really meditation. As I said, I’ve never had any formal meditation teacher or training but being a fairly pragmatic person, I’ve found this practice – whatever it may be called – helpful on many occasions.

There’s another type of “meditation” I like to practice, especially in my current location – my rather primitive camp on a marsh/stream here in Maine. Sitting comfortably by the stream, I’ll just close my eyes and try to become completely present, listening to the multitude of sounds emanating from my surroundings: the pair of loons sitting out front that continually give a short hoot back and forth to each other with the occasional long melancholy howl, the dozen or so bird calls that I don’t try to identify but just hear, the bullfrogs talking back and forth to each other, the red squirrels chattering away, and even the faint sound of a distant plane overhead. Sitting here with my eyes shut this morning and meditating (if that’s what it is) and absorbing the sounds and smells of the marsh, when I opened my eyes, there sat before me about 20 feet away, a little muskrat. I often see him as dusk swimming busily around the marsh doing his work, but I’ve never seen him in the morning, nor that close to me. But it didn’t surprise me to see him there when I opened my eyes. I was so in tune with the marsh that it seemed completely natural that he would be there. We sat there looking at each other for a moment, I smiled in the pure delight of the moment and I guess he decided his break was over and turned and slipped back into the water and glided off. That’s kind of what meditation is to me, the practice of connecting with the moment. The result sometimes is greater clarity and great creativity. After meditating, I grabbed my djembe and starting a light rhythmic drumming, feeling one with the marsh and wanting to offer a contribution. The drumming didn’t scare any of the critters away; in fact I felt it actually drew them toward me. The little red squirrels chattered at me, the osprey whistled overhead and the loons whooped their lovely calls. There was a downy woodpecker, 3 goldfinch, and a nuthatch, all sharing the same birdfeeder.

The moment reminds me of my Facebook update I wrote last week: “I delight in the complex beauty of the marsh as I bend to light a stick of incense in my altar to the universe.”

Was that moment meditation as well? Or is none of this meditation?

Spring is here

Today is May 1st – May Day! Means different things to different people but I remember when I was young it was a big deal to hang May Baskets on people. We’d have a basket and decorate it with flowers and fill it with goodies, put it on someone’s doorstep, ring the doorbell and run away. We’d hide where we could see the person come to the door, see their confusion first that no one was there, and then see them smile and delight at the pretty little basket filled with goodies. I don’t think people hang May Baskets anymore.

I haven’t written much lately. Now that spring is here I’ve been going to camp and cleaning up winter’s ravages, and spending some time out in my kayak. Last weekend Rick and I were paddling around the stream and were serenaded by a symphony of bullfrogs and loons. At dusk our little muskrat, Edmund (named after Maine’s former Senator Edmund Muskie) can be seen busily swimming back and forth tending to his duties. There were over a hundred ducks on the stream one day a couple weeks ago and from the splashing sounds coming from deep within the marsh it sounds like a couple of them may have decided to nest in there. Cobby, our beautiful black and white kittie with double front paws, returned to visit last weekend. I still haven’t figured out who he belongs to but he seems well cared for.

Kerri and Gilli spent the night at camp early this week and Betty stayed there last night after our Hallowell outing. I’m hoping Rick and I will get out there tomorrow night as it looks like it will be a good kayaking day on Sunday. We knocked one of the kayaks off the car as we were unloading them last weekend and broke my side view mirror off. $265 for just the mirror! When I put in a claim for insurance they were able to find a used mirror and negotiate the price for painting and installing it down to just $180, so it saved me $70 and cost them nothing as the cost is under my deductible. Fine, I don’t mind saving some money.

The drama continues with our shared beach lot here in Belgrade Lakes. The douchbag who owns the lot has finished clear cutting all the trees and brush and brought in some heavy equipment last weekend and graded the whole thing, took our our access road, and installed a lawn. Now the runoff that used to be absorbed by the vegetation will flow directly into the lake, taking all the pesticides from his lawn with it. The good ole boys from DEP and Code Enforcement just give him an attaboy. Groan.

Today we’re off to buy a riding lawnmower. We were paying $50 a whack to have the lawn done last year and figure we can pay for the mower within two years. John Deer, 18 hp. Zoom Zoom.

Ice out

My co-worker, Chris R, and I drove up to Indian Island today - north of Bangor - to do a presentation to a group of Penobscots. Wonderful group, very interested and interesting, with great comments and questions. I hope they will stay in touch and come to the Legislature sometime to address some of our common ground issues. Afterwards we stopped by to visit Rose, an fascinating 70 year old woman who runs a food bank on the island.

When I got home I noticed the last of the ice on Long Pond had gone out. It had been sunny and in the 50s and the sun was glimmering off the lake. Finally, it feels like spring!!!

It's supposed to be in the mid 60s on Friday so Rick and I are planning to kayak.

Work, Mud, and Pottery.

I had a busy week at work training our new volunteer and preparing for public hearings on some . . . bills. I was trying to think of the right adjective for the bills we're working on; one that doesn't sound spiteful or defensive, or make me sound like a socialist or a bleeding heart. But maybe I am those things, or at least some of them, or maybe I truly feel that we're all connected and what's good for one person is good for everyone.

We all come from different places and we all have different needs and different abilities. But I think there's a special niche for each of us, some have a wider range than others, but if you find that niche, you'll be your most productive and beneficial to yourself and your family, community, world. So I like to think that the bills we're working on help people to find their niche. Often they've gotten off to a tough start or found themselves where they never expected to be; in either case, you don't just throw them to the wolves. We need to judge ourselves on how we treat our most vulnerable members of society.

So, a long week and another one coming up starting tomorrow. But the sun is shining for the first time all weekend and Rick and I played in our mud pit of a driveway, creating trenches in an attempt to drain off as much water as possible. I think we were mildly successful. Maybe after a few days of sun we'll be able to drive in again.

I brought home a new batch of pottery this week. I'm fairly pleased with the cups and I really like the footed plate in the center as well as the rectangular sushi plates.

We just started using a new glaze calledceladon froth that I really like. Check it out on the casserole dish (oops - very poor fitting cover) and pedestal dish below.

Dan

Dan with our first son, Justin.

Today is the seventh anniversary of my late husband's death. It may sound odd, but I always look back on it thinking, "it was a good death," as far as deaths go. It was back in 2002, just a few months after 9/11 when so many families sent their loved ones off to work, never to see them again.

I remember thinking how lucky we were to have time to do all the things we needed to do, say all the things we needed to say.

He had been diagnosed with a brain tumor back in 1992. The doctors gave him 18 months, tops, to live, had he taken the standard chemotherapy the oncologist recommended. Instead, after surgery Dan decided to try some clinical trials out of Tufts University and sure enough, two years later, the tumor was unnoticeable on a CAT scan. The doctors were amazed and were sure the original diagnosis must have been incorrect because they'd never known anyone to survive that long. We didn't really care, we were just grateful that he felt good, was able to do the things he enjoyed, as well as continue his career as an electrical engineer.

We put it behind us and moved on with the business of living our lives and bringing up our three sons. It was always there in the background that the tumor could return but it had little negative impact on our daily lives. The boys went from 3, 5, and 8, to 13, 15, and 18, before it did return; so they were given the gift of growing up with, and getting to know their Dad. I'm sure they would have had very little memory of him had we lost him as the doctors originally predicted, back in the early 90s.

But come early September 2001, the tumor returned. I thought he was having a stroke one morning and called an ambulance. He went into a coma as I discussed our options with his doctors, and decided to try some chemo. The doctors said the tumor was too deep to do surgery this time.

The chemo worked, though we anticipated that it would only be effective very short term. This time they predicted less than six months.

Dan never completely came back at that point. He came home and was able to enjoy is day to day existence, though his cognitive abilities were substantially diminished. He enjoyed being in the house with the boys running around, lots of visitors - friends, family, and church members. He had a wonderful Hospice volunteer who'd take him shopping or out for coffee or lunch. You had to be kind of careful because he might stoll off on his own or get it into his mind that he was going to drive. But never in a cantankerous way; he was always good natured and easy going about it.

A few weeks before his death we had a hospital bed delivered and he spent the last couple of weeks in it, with great home care through hospice. The night he died his brother Peter and Peter's wife, Laurie, were there with me. We knew it was time and we had some old home movies of the kids playing on the tv while I held his hand and Laurie and Peter and I talked. The boys came in occasionally, and each spent a few minutes alone with him. Dan's church group had been over earlier in the evening with their guitars and tambourines and had sang and played music for him. He was unconscious but I swear I saw him tapping his foot at one point.

I think it was about two a.m. that he finally let go. His hospice nurse had been there until about 10 and she came right back when I called and made the phone call to the funeral home we had prearranged.

The family - his seven siblings and spouses, and his Mom and Dad - gathered with us the next day to support each other and to remember the fun times.

It seemed his death came too early - at just 53 years old. But it was in peaceful and loving surroundings. I think that's the best any of us can hope for when our time comes.

My Weekend

I haven’t written in my journal much lately. I feel speechless without my camera. But this is supposed to be a journal, not a blog, so let’s see, what have I been up to lately?

I started training a new volunteer at work last week. She’s going to start paralegal studies this summer and wanted to volunteer to get a flavor of the work we do. We seldom accept volunteers because they often take more time than they save, but this woman was willing to do whatever kind of work we needed help with, so I agreed to put in the time to train her. She’s very sharp and picks up on things the first time around. I took her to the Statehouse with me on Thursday to participate in a workshop I was facilitating on a mock public hearing for Girls Day at the Statehouse. I love GDATSH. 105 seventh and eighth grade girls from all over the state converge to meet the governor and learn about the legislative process. It’s organized by our good friends at the Maine Women’s Lobby.

We held our public hearing on LD 84 – An Act to Ensure Fair Pay – which is before the real legislature this year. The bill would allow employees to talk with each other about their wages. Some employers actually bar this activity currently, but how are women to know if they get equal pay if they don’t know what anyone else is earning?

The girls had a great time strategizing about who you would want to have testify, and what their message would be. I gave my other volunteer the pro side and took the bad guy role for my group – those against the legislation.

It was a fun exercise and the girls came up with some good strategies and actually convinced the “legislators” – another group of girls – to amend the bill before passing it, to allow employees to ask their employer for the wage information in order to lessen any possible tension among co-workers.

Thursday night I went to pottery and then met Rick at Hallowell and Wine to listen to our friend Mark Miller play. Rick usually practices with his band Thursday but they weren’t practicing this week so I convinced him to come in to listen to Mark with me, thinking the place would be packed and he could save me a seat. Well the place was pretty empty. Mark is a kick ass guitar player when he wants to be. He was pretty mediocre Thursday night I must say. Quite disappointing. When he finished at 9:00 I decided to go find what the pottery girls were up to and Rick headed home, preferring to avoid that much estrogen. Probably a wise move on his part. The girls were in rare form. After the music ended at The Cup we headed over to The Higher Grounds where Jonah, Alfred, Thib, and Lefty were playing. A good combo. We found a few other women and an occasional brave male and danced until closing time at about midnight.

Friday was spent pretty laid back and then Rick and I headed to The Depot in Gardiner for a beer with some friends, to Joyce’s for dinner, The Wharf for the last half hour of the early show, and then to The Higher Grounds for music by Stevie Jones, and a shaker of espresso martinis.

Saturday morning I went into the studio for a couple of hours and was really pleased with some pieces I worked on. I came home early so we could go to our local town meeting. That was kind of an interesting experience. We didn’t stay very long because they decided they needed to do a paper vote on whether to authorize a monetary expenditure to investigate the need for a new town office complex. Many of the townspeople thought the tentative design the building committee had come up with was way too extravagant so there was a lot of opposition to it. They didn’t get the point that the money authorized then was to continue investigation – not proceed with the building. Anyway, it was going to take 2 hours to do the paper vote and count before they could continue with the next article, so Rick and I voted and left. As did many others I suspect.

Sunday we went up to The Solon Hotel in Solon, Maine for a benefit concert for a person who is fighting cancer. There was a great turn out and some excellent music and I ran into a few old friends. I had been telling Rick for the past couple of years what a dive the Solon Hotel was so he was anxious to check it out. It had been a long time since I’d been there so you never know if it might have gotten fixed up. It did seem a little cleaner than I’d remembered it in the past but it’s still quite a dive.

My Kerouaction today: On Spontaenous Writing

At dusk it becomes very bleak looking, come March in Maine. The only color you can squeeze out of the stark landscape is a tint of red on the southwestern sky, as the sun sets behind the shadowy row of trees across the frozen lake. Dirty black and white snow banks hold dead looking oaks, maples, and beech trees rising out of them. An occasional black crow is seen scavenging, and even the color you got earlier from the bright bluejays is now long gone. There’s Emmylou Harris singing Cold Cold Heart lowly in the background and the only sign of warmth in the whole scene is the fire flaring and crackling from the corner of the room.

Full Moon

Every work day morning I set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. so that I can run out to the other end of the house and turn the heat up. The 50 degrees we keep it at during the night is great for sleeping but it makes for a rude awakening – climbing out of my nice cozy bed to the frigid air, hurdling the gate we keep on our bedroom doorway to keep our cat Emma in our bedroom so she doesn’t decide to leave little deposits around the house in the middle of the night, and navigating around the furniture now that it is once again dark at 6:00 a.m. Then making my way back again for that last half hour of blissful sleep while the house heats up to a more friendly 70 degrees.

This morning I was stopped in my tracks just after my initial gate hurdle by the sight of the full moon shining across the frozen lake. It was very low in the southwestern sky and there was a slight tinge of pink in the atmosphere from the rising sun. It was so beautiful I just had to stand there in the cold and gaze. My instinct was to grab my camera and get some photos. However, my camera died last week.

The camera: Maybe I shouldn’t go from the wonderment of a magnificent morning moon to a rant about my piece of shit camera. The camera actually takes great photos. However, from the moment I got it there have been problems. Some of my own making I must confess.

First when I bought the camera at Staples they had a special for a free photo printer. Just pay $100 for it and send in the $100 rebate. Great idea if you’re not hopeless about these kind of things like I am. Of course I got the printer but immediately managed to lose the rebate info AND my receipt for the camera which needed to go with it. So I paid $100 for a printer which I think I've used once.

Second, the camera came with a special rechargeable battery but no charger. So I ordered a second battery and the charger. When they came, the new battery fit my camera fine but the charger didn’t work for the battery that initially came with the camera. So fine, I’m stuck with just one battery. If I’d had my receipt, maybe I could have gone back to Staples and gotten a second battery that worked in the charger for free. I'd like to think so anyway.

One of the reasons I choose this particular camera was because there was both a view finder and an lcd display. However, after a few months the lcd display stopped working, except to review pictures. So I had to always use the viewfinder. After dealing with that for a few months, Rick managed to find a place to turn the lcd display back on but it no longer toggles back and forth between the two without going deep into the menu features to do so.

Then last week after taking a few photos of my latest pottery pieces, the camera went dead. I assumed the battery just needed recharging. But after charging the battery, and the charger indicating the battery was completely recharged, the camera still wouldn’t turn back on.

So now I don’t know if the camera died or if the battery is defective or if the battery charger is defective. Plus the whole history with the camera just makes me want to walk away from it.

I looked on Amazon over the weekend and found the "perfect" new camera and put it on my wish list. If anyone has an extra $400 they’d like to spend on it for me, please click here. http://www.amazon.com/Nikon-Coolpix-P90-Vibration-Reduction/dp/B001PKEJZQ/ref=wl_itt_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=IQTLFP6PD2NOB&colid=21UG53Y60VEKA

Otherwise I’ll save up my pennies and in the meantime, I guess I’ll use Rick’s old reliable workhorse of a camera and be thankful.

The Rorschach Bowl

I rather like this bowl though it reminds me of a rorschach inkblot. It strikes me as a reindeer.

I want to kayak!

Is it spring yet?

Mid Winter Camp Check

Rick and I snow shoed into camp today to give it a mid winter check. Everything looked fine, except an outside light had been left on, presumably from when the boys had been out there in November for a campfire. Rick took the shovel to clear out enough snow

to get the front door open.

It's so serene out there this time of year. The Cobb has a channel running through that remains unfrozen most of the winter.

Droopy Roses

I found a good use for my new red bowl - providing a second life for last week's now droopy Valentine roses.
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White Winged Crossbill

Check out the little white winged crossbill who stopped by the beach last weekend along with a bunch of his friends. I can’t remember ever seeing these little guys before. They have very interesting long, pointy bills, with the top being longer than, and overlapping the bottom, hence their name. They were incredibly friendly, letting us walk within a yard of them while they concentrated on the pine cones. There is an abundance of pine cones this year. We gathered a garbage bag full of them for burning in the fireplace and there are still thousands of them left, especially now that some of the snow has been melting.
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However, as of this morning - Thursday, February 19th - the pine cones are once again covered and I suspect the crossbills have moved on, taking with them possibly the robin Rick and I saw out the back window while sitting at the breakfast table last week. I'd had visions of spring in my mind for the past week after seeing so much bare ground on our walk at the beach. They were shattered this morning though I still couldn't help but admire the beauty of the snow.

Worked from home today and I wasn't nearly as productive as I wished I'd been, but I can do some more reading and editing of web pieces tomorrow morning.

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The Red Bowl

The bowl started to warp when I lifted it off the wheel so I decided to go with it, molding it into a slight triangular shape. I love the “really red” glaze on it. The photo doesn't really capture the color accurately.

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Today, well actually Yesterday

It was 15 degrees below zero at our house this morning, 9 below at the bank half way to Augusta, and 4 below in the city. That seems to be the pattern, about 10 degrees colder here at the lake than in Augusta, ten miles away. I worked straight through till five, went to the studio and cranked the heat up on high and ran back to my car and sat there with the heat on high for about 15 minutes, trying to thaw my fingers and toes and hoping the little electric heater would bring the studio temperature up enough with the temperature outside at just16 degrees.

Malley’s still in Vermont so her friend Robbi led a class on hand building trays and animals. I made some beautiful little sushi trays, and trimmed a mug with a kitty on the handle – maybe a little too cutsey, we’ll see. I also trimmed the bowls I threw last Saturday and brought home the best mug I’ve ever made. It’s still not quite right – too small, but I like the shape, weight, and glazing. Here's a pic. You can see that it's a little too small sitting there next to the perfectly sized UMF cup that Rick gave me for Christmas.




I met Bob, Susan and Deb, for dinner at Hattie’s, a quick stop at The Higher Grounds, where I ran into my old buddy Pat who I worked with for 20 years. We used to have such great conversations, often about the challenges of raising our kids, but whenever I see him now he’s usually just running through the office.

It’s now almost 4:30 a.m. and I’m still wide awake. I had stopped drinking coffee with caffeine on Friday, two weeks ago today. The prior Monday night I’d slept two hours, Tuesday night I slept two hours, and Wednesday night I didn’t sleep a wink. At that point I just gave up even trying to sleep and decided to get up and enjoy myself, messing around with some photography, downloaded some pictures, printed some older pics, and framed and hung them.

I was fine the next day other than feeling a little wired and unfocused. I think sleeping at night is kind of like rebooting your computer and getting rid of the cache. If your psyche doesn’t have that down time, it continues to carry all the stuff from the previous day that you didn’t get a chance to process and dump. Even ten minutes of sleep can suffice for me.

But anyway, this morning I had caffenated coffee so here it is 4:30 a.m. and I’m still up. I just finished watching Terms of Endearment. What a tear jerker. Shirley MacLaine is such a wacko in that movie, until she gets laid anyway.

Fortunately I don’t work on Fridays so I should be able to catch a couple hours of sleep at some point before we go see Del McCoury at the Strand Theater in Rockland tomorrow night – oops, tonight.

Guess I’d better go back to decaf. I slept great all this past week, probably at least seven hours each night. And the caffeine this morning just made me feel all jittery, so f that. It’s probably take a couple days to get out of my system and then it’s purely decaf!

Rick went to a town planning board meeting tonight to try and convince the town not to issue a building permit for the new owner to build a house on a beach lot that we and 70 other families have shared private access to. A good turnout by the neighbors and a killer letter from Rick and they at least postponed the decision for two weeks and will hold another hearing.

Pottery

I went to the studio today to do some pottery. I finished glazing some pots and then threw some new pieces. I was very pleased with three bowls that I threw. The big bowl is a serving bowl to go with my set of salad/pasta bowls I made last week. One of the two smaller ones I’ll turn into a pedestal bowl and the other will maybe be an addition to my salad/pasta set.

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I’m very fussy about coffee cups. I have not yet made a cup that I would use. They’re either too small, too big, too heavy, or just too ugly. Today I made several pieces that I’ll try putting handles on next week. Maybe one of them will pass the grade as the perfect (or almost) coffee cup. They shrink about 12% during the drying and firing process, so it can be pretty tricky to get just the right size. Once I have my prototype, then I can work on a set.

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Camp in Winter

I used to go to my little one room camp in the winter and spend a weekend of solitude, kind of roughing it without running water. When the stream was still flowing I'd carry water to flush the toilet. (No outhouses here!) Later, when it was all iced over, I'd have to carry some water from home and melt the rest from snow to flush or do dishes. But other than that I'd have all the comforts of home: nice gas fireplace, electricity, and most likely I wouldn't see another soul the whole time I'm there - a day, 2 days, whatever. Nice. Some books, music, my djembe, a bottle of wine and whatever.

Sometimes my friend, Grace, would come out with me, though she'd get restless and have to leave within the first 24 hours. I'd fill the bird feeders as soon as I got there and within a few hours and birds would start calling. Often I'd get visits from racoons or skunks, sometimes a deer. And my camp kitty, Cobby, who must belong to a year round neighbor would find his way over - often to spend the night. I always made sure to bring special treats just in case he decided to visit.

The only other place you can see from my camp is another seasonal that never gets used in the winter. Across the stream is all woods and my nearest year round neighbor is a quarter mile away. So even though you're really quite close to people on a snowy day like today, it would feel very secluded, all holed up just listening to the intense silence caused by the heavy falling snow.

I Love Flowers

I love getting flower deliveries, especially at work. From where my office is located, I can see when people drive in our driveway. I can also see them walk up the ramp to our office and if my door is open, I can see them as they enter the front door.

Yesterday I was working at my computer, which sets right next to my window, and saw the flower delivery van drive in the driveway, and the delivery man walk up the walkway to our building. As he walks in the door there are always those few moments of anticipation, wondering if that stunning bouquet he’s holding is for you . . . or is it for one of your co-workers? At that point it doesn’t even matter; you can’t help but smile, just looking at those beautiful flowers. But when he announces your name, there’s always such a moment of delight and surprise, especially if it’s not even your birthday or Valentine’s Day, or some other special occasion.

He Who Is Unique To Me In All The World knows this about me . . . and indulges me with these wonderful surprises quite frequently. Probably 8 out of the last 10 flower deliveries to our office have been for me, sometimes arriving on someone else’s birthday or anniversary. In fact, I think the delivery man sometimes feels a little sheepish as he brings my deliveries. One day last winter he stopped by our office with a beautiful assortment of flowers that were “left over” and left them for all to enjoy.

I have always loved flowers – blooming in the wild, cultivated in a garden, hanging from pots on a porch. But there’s something about a bouquet of cut flowers; perhaps it’s that their lifespan is so fleeting that they must be treasured for every possible moment of their existence. They must be put in a prominent place where you can enjoy the benefit of their beauty. Sometimes I’ll bring them into my bedroom at night so they will be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. On cold, dark mornings, it’s such a lovely surprise to open your eyes and see that reminder that spring really isn’t that far off. That the simple joy brought to us by nature’s beauty rising up from beneath winter’s snow cover will be upon us once again before we know it.

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