My Mom Died This Morning - A True Story

My Mom died in October of 2001.  I've shared the story of the day she died with some but I decided to write this poem, or prose, or whatever you might call it.  

My Mom Died This Morning - A True Story

My mom died this morning

A more positive person you’d never met

At times, a difficult life of poverty and domestic violence

But through hard work and perseverance

She created security and great love

If you’d asked her she would have said her life was beautiful

And she was right

Never one to dwell on the negative

Her vivaciousness, wit, understanding, and laughter

Is what everyone always remembers about her

My siblings and I spent the night at the hospital

Knowing it was the end

Wanting to be there for a few last hours with her

She talked about her theory that when you die

You become whatever age you were the most happy during your life

I pictured her running up the big hill at my grandparents’ house

Pigtails flying, followed by any number of her 9 siblings

Headed for the big oak tree that was her steed

Her fort, her Mt. Everest, or her ship,

Whatever her fancy may have been that day

Just as the sun was rising

Her own beautiful star extinguished

All that was left, and it was much,

Was the light and laughter that was her memory

Never being one who could cry at the appropriate time

I sat there feeling empty and alone amongst a crowd of tears

I knew I had to get away and be alone with my loss

I drove home and loaded my kayak onto my car

The unseasonably warm October morning with bright sun and blue skies

Belying the tragedy of the day

A five minute drive to the river

I was relieved that the early hour guaranteed my solitude

Paddling downriver against the incoming tide

You’d think I was being pursued by a monster

Tears finally flowing, leaving a wake of despair

Stopping exhausted next to shore

I looked up and saw a beautiful bald eagle

Perched in a tree not 20 feet above

Staring down at me with a hint of concern

What can be so sad on this day the Lord has given us

He seemed to ask

So I told him of my loss

Of the feeling of becoming an orphan

Of being abandoned

No matter that I was almost 50 years old

We sat there and talked for 20 minutes

Though not a word was spoken

His understanding and compassion

Allowed the tears to flow without feeling pitiful or silly

Finally I thanked him for listening and started off again on my paddle

Peacefully at first but as the sadness returned

The paddling once more became frantic and obsessed

Again, I pulled up next to shore to rest under an overhanging tree

And as I did, much to my surprise, the eagle landed just above me

I couldn’t help but smile through my tears

And welcome him back

I shared with him memories of long talks

Of funny stories, of sad times, and beautiful moments

We laughed and cried

And gave thanks to the universe

For kindness, for adversities, and complex relationships

Again, I thanked him for listening

And slowly and more peacefully

Continued on my way downstream against the tide

I paddled hard and fast and steady for quite some time

But with much less distress than I’d been feeling before

The sun was beating down harshly at this point

The heat of the day at its peak

So the shady cove beckoned me

I pulled over and closed my eyes

Welcoming the relief from the sun

I splashed some water onto my face

And hearing a noise, glanced upwards and burst into laughter

To see my now old friend perched up above

He seemed relieved to hear my mirth

As if it signaled I was back to my old self

The woman who was the daughter my mother produced

Sensing all was well

He lifted off from his branch

And with grace and majesty

He soared down the middle of the river

Until he was just a dot that disappeared

Into the horizon

Suddenly exhaustion overcame me

The sleepless night, the deep emotions and the physical exertion

All came together

And I was grateful to allow the incoming tide

To gently bring me back

Bring me back to my less than perfect but oh so glorious life

To the guilt that every mother feels when she’s put her own needs

Before the needs of her family

To a husband who was also dying

And had only a few months left to live

To three teenage sons who were sad at the loss

Of a grandmother they were very close to

But I’ll be forever grateful for that October day

That I spent with my eagle friend

Thank you Mom for sending him to me

Once again, you knew just what I needed

So if you’re ever with me

And an eagle appears

You’ll know why I look at it with love

And say, “Hi Mom.”

This poem contributed to dVersePoets Open Link Night.